Constructive Assertiveness (Revisited)

You have the right to your actions,
but never to your action's fruits.
Act for the action sake,
and do not be attached to inaction.
Self-possessed, resolute, act,
without thought of results,
open to success and failure.
(Lord Krishna, Bhagavad Gita)


There is violence wherever you look. True, we rarely beat each other up in bar fights any more, but for every loving act that you experience there is unfortunately a mean, underhanded or fearful act waiting for us as well. So what do we do with it? We spiritual travelers are taught to be nice, helpful and kind, but what do we do with the tension if deep down inside we want to do the opposite? Well, do something with this tension. Go out and do yard work, go kick-boxing; create something, or play sports.


We spiritual travelers would never resort to violence and aggression. It is simply not the Way. Yet, practicing assertion is part of every spiritual journey. Sometimes the guy who makes a nasty remark is simply us being cranky inside. Still, we have to put him in place otherwise we would only belittle ourself. Similarly, the obnoxious colleague who is out to eat our lunch is merely our fear that ‘nice guys finish last’. Surely we have to stand up to our own fears and demons, otherwise we will never get anywhere with our mission. Drawing healthy boundaries and assertion assures that we become whole, as well as kind.


The journey towards wholeness is completed when we realize that we can have it all. For every frustration there is an outlet. The ‘success’ of our mission is guaranteed as long as we understand that it is the meaning of our story that makes it so. Like Lord Krishna says to Arjun in the Bhagavad Gita, focus on the task at hand and forget about ‘success’ and ‘failure’. Just do your job and your true Self will thank you for it.